Here I am on a Saturday night sitting on the couch mad at myself. It happens all too often. You see I'm very stubborn and I know this about myself. No one has to tell me this fault I have. With being stubborn I also have the tendency to not ask for help when I need it.
Justin just got home from being out of town yesterday. Lets just say it was a long week with many exhausted nights and a few tears shed by all. We all jumped for joy when he got home yesterday afternoon. He works so much when he is home but he is home at night so I can vent about my day or watch a silly show with him. I don't have to sit on the couch eating chips and salsa alone. When he is away it sucks. I will just be honest. It sucks. I love my children deeply but having two sets of hands during meals, bath and bed time is such a relief. Some days I'm so tired and some days the kids are just bad. I mean I cant blame them..we all have bad days. Some days I pray that someone will come and say "hey I'm taking them to the park for a few...don't you need to go to the grocery store". The only person who could do that on those days is a psychic and I don't any of those. When Justin is home our life is balanced. Justin is the level headed one. He is the one that plays with the kids so I can clean or shower or maybe even nap. He takes Jax fishing or will go to the park with Aria. He is their Dad and my husband and we miss him when he is away. I had to text my wonderful sister in law Kristina one day when the kids and I had an off day. She gave me some encouraging words that I cant thank her enough for. She reminded me that they are only little once and to ask for help. She also said that long car rides are a life saver...boy isn't that the truth. My problem though is asking for help. Its just SO hard for me. I like to put on the face of "strong' Mom and the Mom who can do it all....all the time...365 days a year. The one who can manage the whole house hold when her husband is gone. Most days I can but some days I just want a break. Don't get me wrong my family does help but sometimes I feel like I have to ask 5 people before I get a yes. So I know I have many people to help but deep down I just want someone to offer to help without me asking. I hate that I'm the type of person that would rather kill myself trying to do it myself than to ask for help. I have always been like this. Also I hate asking because I hate being told no. I hate it. It always feels personal even though I know its not. Uggg I'm so complicated. I mean really though I am venting knowing that I will still not ask for help as often as I should...ha.
With all of that being said I will take you to why I'm mad at myself today.
It is the first Razorback game today and Justin's weekend to work. So he is home but neither of use have gotten a break. Its been a very busy weekend in the town of PG. The biggest football game of the year, parades and square dance take over the whole weekend. With that said when we found out that Justin's 10 year reunion was tonight I never in a million years thought that Justin would be off of work in time to actually attend. I of course in my routine of not wanting to ask for help did not find a sitter. Which in my defense I truly did not think he was going until it was 7pm and kind of late to get a sitter. But that still leads to me being mad at myself. I should have at least set a sitter up and called to cancel if he could not go. I have always been so excited for our class reunions. I love seeing what everyone is doing with their life outside of social media. So I will sit and I will be sad all night and I can only blame myself.
So I guess its facebook stalking, Pinterest and fixer upper it is on this wild Saturday night.
PS if you know a parent whos spouse or significant other travels alot...maybe offer to hangout or help them when you see them struggling. If you know a single parent....maybe offer some help with the little one. It could make that persons day and save the guilt of asking for help.
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