Finding yourself in Baltimore

For eight amazing years I have been a wife. For 4 blessed years I have been a Mom. I can not thank God enough for my husband and my children. I would die for them in a second. I have cried tears of joy for them and I have cried tears hurting for them. I love them more than words could describe.

I have discussed how stressful at times it being a police wife, military wife and Mom all while working and keeping the household. I have realized that life can be heavy at times. As a wife and Mom I have responsibilities. I get to shape two lives and hope that I don't mess up. I am blessed to get to wash stains out of tiny clothes, clean the toilet of a growing boy and play with the curls of a precious girl. I know how blessed I am. No one has to tell me how fortunate I am to have a husband who works so many hours to provide for us. His job is to not only provide for his family but to protect our community, state and nation. I am proud of him. I love my life and my family.

When Justin told me about being picked to go NAGUS (National Guard Association of the United States) I was so happy. To my surprise spouses get to go also. I was so excited to have a few days in a new city. We planned and got scheduled to go. I was so excited. Justin informed me he would have meetings during the day and that I would get to do whatever I wanted during the day.....WHATEVER I WANTED....that has not happened...well in years.

When we arrived I was already so excited to explore and see the city up close and personal. I got Justin's schedule and from there figured out that I truly would get time for myself. On Saturday I woke up to breakfast that Justin had gotten for me and was pumped to get the day started. I ate went and talked to some of the other wives, grabbed a coffee my camera and hit the road. I had no idea where I was going or what I was going to do but I walked and walked and walked. For the first time in a long time I was just Tiffany. I had almost forgotten what that felt like. No one needed a single thing from me and it was liberating. I was able to walk at my own pace. I got to witness a row boating event, amazing street art and found some historical sites. I had no idea what was at the next curve and my excitement was through the roof. I took pictures and people watched.  After realizing I had walked about 7 miles I went to the hotel and relaxed. I realized then how important it is to not lose yourself. I had lost the Tiffany in myself. I realized that my Tiffany spark was dim and needed to be relit. As spouses and parents we need to care for ourselves also. We have to take a step back sometimes....it needs to be more than a grocery store trip alone or driving to or from work alone. Each person needs time to themselves. It needs to be longer than nap time or at bed time. This trip helped me be Tiffany.


Justin and I got to go to dinner with some people we had met and had fun talking about life. We walked home and talked and acted silly. It was so needed. We ended the night calling the hogs in victory!

Roy boating was so fun!! I love how it was a charity event! 

 

I loved walking the shore! 

Art was everywhere! This was so beautiful! 

I met this sweet lady while helping her cross the street. She has to walk so far to pick her prescriptions up. She said she does take a taxi...sometimes.  

 

The next day I got up early again. I went to the hospitality room. (A room that Arkansas NAGUS members got for AR people to hang out in, chat and eat). I hit the ground running and explored some more. I got to witness a beautiful 9/11 memorial and pay respect. I walked to Little Italy which I loved so so much. The homes are so fun and cute. The smells of delicious foods wafted through a the streets. I think this may have been my favorite spot of the whole city. I realized on this day that so many homeless ask for food instead of money. I decided to carry some chips or crackers with me for the ones who asked. My heart breaks for the homeless and I feel a need to help in any ways I can. People are people no matter their status and sometimes one nice person can change a persons life but more on that another time.
That night we went to a fun function with all of the SEC states at the Hard Rock. It was loud, fun and hilarious.

The 9/11 memorial. Touching and beautiful.

The steel beams that was apart of the twin towers.

I LOVED little Italy. It was cozy, cute and smelled great!

I mean how cute are these!!

I love old buildings and this church was top notch it beauty.

 

 

 By the last day I was exhausted from walking 10 miles a day and my feet hurt. I only went out for a little while. I found Poes grave which was so cool. A piece of history right in front of me. The cemetery was old and full of history. So much death and life all rolled into one. The trees full of leaves and vines with bright green leaves climbing the grounds. It was a beautiful morning. Then I went to watch Trump speak which was ummm....interesting. My favorite part was going outside and seeing the protesters. I immediately crossed the street to be in the middle of the protest and see it up close. So many people protesting so many things. I loved the passion. Some for Trump some against. Some black lives matter and some all lives matter. Some just protesting what they believe. It was amazing. I felt so alive. I realized then that the news does not show this type of protests. It was peaceful. People in conversations that you could see the intensity of both sides yet no violence. Each person respecting the man beside them. I realized then that America is not as bad as the media describes.

Justin and I then went to eat some of the best sushi ever.
We ended the night at the formal states dinner. It was fun talking to everyone and enjoying a great meal. Plus its always fun to dress fancy.

How cool is this. School kids would collect pennies to raise money for his grave. Now people will put pennies on his grave. The money goes to keeping the grounds.

So much life in a site that is for the dead.

 

Loved getting dressed up and having a night out with Justin. So fun!

I was so excited to come home and see the kids. I missed them so much but I came home a new and improved version of myself. I learned that I can not let myself go. I have to remember that God made to be a wife, Mom and Tiffany. I learned that a husband and wife need more time together than just when the kids go to bed at night. I learned that to be a happy wife and mom I need to be a happy Tiffany. It was  trip I will forever hold near to my heart.  Never lose your self. Always know how blessed you. Never lose your light.
xo-Tiffany

The struggle is real

Here I am on a Saturday night sitting on the couch mad at myself. It happens all too often. You see I'm very stubborn and I know this about myself. No one has to tell me this fault I have. With being stubborn I also have the tendency to not ask for help when I need it.
 Justin just got home from being out of town yesterday. Lets just say it was a long week with many exhausted nights and a few tears shed by all. We all jumped for joy when he got home yesterday afternoon. He works so much when he is home but he is home at night so I can vent about my day or watch a silly show with him. I don't have to sit on the couch eating chips and salsa alone. When he is away it sucks. I will just be honest. It sucks.  I love my children deeply but having two sets of hands during meals, bath and bed time is such a relief. Some days I'm so tired and some days the kids are just bad. I mean I cant blame them..we all have bad days. Some days I pray that someone will come and say "hey I'm taking them to the park for a few...don't you need to go to the grocery store". The only person who could do that on those days is a psychic and I don't any of those. When Justin is home our life is balanced.  Justin is the level headed one. He is the one that plays with the kids so I can clean or shower or maybe even nap. He takes Jax fishing or will go to the park with Aria. He is their Dad and my husband and we miss him when he is away. I had to text my wonderful sister in law Kristina one day when the kids and I had an off day. She gave me some encouraging words that I cant thank her enough for. She reminded me that they are only little once and to ask for help. She also said that long car rides are a life saver...boy isn't that the truth. My problem though is asking for help. Its just SO hard for me. I like to put on the face of "strong' Mom and the Mom who can do it all....all the time...365 days a year.  The one who can manage the whole house hold when her husband is gone. Most days I can but some days I just want a break. Don't get me wrong my family does help but sometimes I feel like I have to ask 5 people before I get a yes. So I know I have many people to help but deep down I just want someone to offer to help without me asking. I hate that I'm the type of person that would rather kill myself trying to do it myself than to ask for help. I have always been like this. Also I hate asking because I hate being told no. I hate it. It always feels personal even though I know its not. Uggg I'm so complicated. I mean really though I am venting knowing that I will still not ask for help as often as I should...ha.
With all of that being said I will take you to why I'm mad at myself today.
 It is the first Razorback game today and Justin's weekend to work. So he is home but neither of use have gotten a break. Its been a very busy weekend in the town of PG. The biggest football game of the year, parades and square dance take over the whole weekend. With that said when we found out that Justin's 10 year reunion was tonight I never in a million years thought that Justin would be off of work in time to actually attend. I of course in my routine of not wanting to ask for help did not find a sitter. Which in my defense I truly did not think he was going until it was 7pm and kind of late to get a sitter. But that still leads to me being mad at myself. I should have at least set a sitter up and called to cancel if he could not go. I have always been so excited for our class reunions. I love seeing what everyone is doing with their life outside of social media. So I will sit and I will be sad all night and I can only blame myself.

So I guess its facebook stalking, Pinterest and fixer upper it is on this wild Saturday night.

PS if you know a parent whos spouse or significant other travels alot...maybe offer to hangout or help them when you see them struggling. If you know a single parent....maybe offer some help with the little one. It could make that persons day and save the guilt of asking for help.