Last year that tug grew stronger. I knew after a group from work got back last year that I finally felt ready. Since deciding to go I have felt the excitement building and the yearn to follow Gods plan. I have felt at peace knowing that it was going to happen. I have felt God preparing me and building my faith stronger than it has ever been.
All of that changed in one moment.
While at work this morning I got the email to register and it laid out the financials. I knew what the number was going to be but while I looked at it became real and my excitement started to turn to worry. We have been working so hard to pay off debt that my mind started to wonder if this was the right decision. Maybe the timing wasn't right after all. All day I went back and forth. I knew how badly my heart wanted me to go but my mind was giving me worries. I had already planned a yard sale to help as a fundraiser and my money from square dance calling would be going towards it but still that number just stared back at me. I started to feel the tug in my heart and knew that I would just have to really get with fundraising if I was going to make it happen. If it was going to happen at all.
This afternoon I had this feeling that I should go to church this evening. I have felt the urge and need to start going to Wednesday night services and figured this was the best night to start. A lot of times by the time I get home from work it is incredibly hard to feed the kids and make it to church on time but tonight was different. I cooked dinner, ate and made it to church 15 minutes early. I just knew that tonight was different.
Pastor Brian had said that Pastor Zach called him this morning and felt he had a message to preach tonight. That God was telling him to preach this message.
The message started and my heart sank. The message was in Luke 5 : 5-11. The story of the Four Fishermen called as Disciples. It was about the Opportunities we are given to share his word and to be lights for Him. When Pastor Zach then noted that many times we as Christians ignore opportunities because of worldly reasons...like Money and family and friends opinion of our faith. Money...Money....Y'all my heart almost fell to to the ground. The one thing I had literally been thinking about ALL DAY. I sat there knowing that the message was speaking to me. Every word spoke to my situation. My doubt, my fears but wanting to obey. He then discussed that when given opportunities we should obey them and with that the blessings would overflow in the Kingdom. From fishermen to disciples all because they trusted Christ and obeyed Him. This is God.
I sat there knowing God has given me the opportunity to go witness and love on His children. He has given me the opportunity to grow and to obey Him and all day I was in doubt of His plan.
On the way home I drove just thinking how powerful that message was to me. Then it hit me. It was not until this morning that Pastor Zach felt the call to preach tonight. This morning was when all of my doubt started. Y'all we serve a true and mighty God. I am so thankful that Pastor Zach obeyed this morning and I am so thankful I went and listened to his message.
I now know that God has opened my door to go on a mission trip. My doubt is gone. I have no doubt that this is something he has called me to do.
So pray for me and pray that my doubts and fears are exchanged with excitement and joy.
God is good all the time, Y'all.
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