Things I have learned as a parent.

1. You will be tired.....for many days and nights. It does get better...at least that is what I keep telling myself.

2. Do NOT let fear run your life. To many times we as parents see a runny nose, cough, fever and research all the horrible things that our children may have....(but they dont). I feel fear is a huge problem with parenting in todays society. We do so much research on how to be a perfect parent instead of just sitting down and playing with our children. We are to afraid to let them climb. We dont want them to run to quickly. They may fall. We dont want them to go without shoes outside in the summer. They may cut their foot. We dont want them to climb a tree. They may fall and break an arm. Its like we as parents want our children to sit in a bubble and not explore the world they will one day help run.
I have learned alot from working at a pediatric clinic about the kind of parent I strive to be. When Jax falls I say "safe" and allow him to get up on his own and go on with life. When Jax screams because he wants something he doesnt need (at home) I turn around and walk the other way. When I hear him cry I dont sprint to see why. When we go to the park I let him climb and go down the slide by himself. I try to show him that life is not something to be afraid of, that its a new adventure everyday. So far it has worked. He wants to go down the tallest slides, he doesnt care about water in face or eyes, he runs with the big kids and so far he has turned out to be all boy and fearless. And a little stubborn.

A very smart man I know once said "Parents need to put the books about parenting down and just play and love on their baby"

3.Date nights are crucial to a marriage. Before Jusitn and I became parents we went out ALOT. Every weekend was a date night. Dinner, movies, day trips. I like to say that we took advantage of the freedom to do whatever we wanted. I dont know how we did everything we did because looking back we did not have much money. We ALWAYS had our bills paid but I dont know where the extra cash came from lol. I guess God blessed us. When we found out I was pregnant with Jax we knew that date nights would become rare. However i did not know how rare they would become. We do go out but a lot of times its is planned group outtings. We do not get to go out just us very often. We are very blessed to have family to watch Jax and are willing to. Over the last few months Justins schedule has been strange so our date nights have been even more rare. This past Saturday we went to a nice dinner just the two of us. It was so nice to eat a meal out without feeling rushed or having to get it to go becuase Jax is to impatient to wait for us to be done. It was nice to not have to worry about making him sit down and wondering what to order our piglet of an eater. We got to sit and just talk and enjoy eachothers company. Every couple with children need a date night with just the two of them. It will make you realize how great your marriage is each time you have one and how important that time really is.

4.Telling your child no is really a good thing. Jax is a very spirited little boy. He likes to push limits and sometimes listening is just to hard for him. I have learned that telling him "no" is not what he likes to be told. It is ok. Children get mad when they dont get what they want. They will however get over it. And they will learn that they dont control every aspect of life. They can do that when they are an adult. But as parents we want to give our children everything and we want to make sure that they dont go without. We want to protect them from everything so we to often allow them to do whatever they want and get whatever they want. What will happen when they are an adult and at work get told no. They will have to accept it. Jax gets told no A LOT. Now his favorite thing to do is to tell others "no boss' because we tell him not to be bossy. He hasnt gotten it yet.

5. Routine is key. From day one we created a routine that has been apart of Jaxs life. Routines are great. Everyday is the same. Bed time is 8. No later expect when we are not home. We do have lives and sometimes not getting home until late is what happens. After dinner he gets a bath almost everynight. (he is a very messy eater) and then its lotion and pj time. Every night. Then its time to play for a bit then relax. We have clean up time for his toys and stuff then He lays down at 8 we read a book (the same one for weeks) and he fights it everynight and everynight we never cave in and he is asleep all night. He is so into his routine that when he is out of it he just is not a happy camper. He does not do well with change. Routine. Routine. Routine. We as parents decide how the should go not by how our children want the day to go. Routine is key. Im telling you its crucial.

6.Letting them cry is alright. Crying is natural. When Jax fights sleep I let him cry. He crys for a few and passes out. When he was a baby about 6 months old i decided that he really needed to start sleeping through the night so i slowly took away feedings and when he thought he was so hungry I let him cry and in 1 week he stopped waking up at all. If it was still up to him he would still be getting up to get food, the boy loves to eat.

7. The thing that I have learned most about is that being a parent is hard but is so worth it. I make the last 6 points look like I am a hard mom who lets her child climb high and is wildly strict. I do discipline, time outs and a smack bottom for when he really acts out but I hug and kiss the boy so much he runs when I ask for a kiss now. I learned with Justin being gone for military training a lot during Jaxs first year being a Mom is hard. It is draining and at the end of the day you just want to crash. Being a parent is the hardest job out there but it is the one job that is so worth every difficult day.

I will say I have become very good at chase, hide and seek, throwing rocks in the creek, playing monster, singing the batman song (Jax LOVES bat man). I have become an expert at coloring on boxs, and hiding the cat from being tortured. I have learned how to wipe a nose so quickly and to cut finger nails on a wiggly hand. I have gotten pretty good at butterfly kisses, our bedtime must have. I can do the finger swipe like no other from so many times Jax has choked. (He eats like a pig and wont chew). I can cuddle on the couch and watch the same movies over and over and over again like a champ. I learned that pancakes are almost a must have in the mornings and captain crunch is the best cereal every....but only the berries (he throws the rest on the floor once the berries are gone).

The one thing that I didnt have to learn over the last almost 2 years. That the love I have for Jax and soon to be baby girl is unconditional and grows stronger everyday. I tell Jax everynight that he will always be my baby boy, even when hes 50. Love for others is a strong and beautiful thing, The love of a child is the strongest and most beautiful and puriest thing of all.

Jax

I will never forget the day that I found out I was expecting my first baby. I was so excited, scared and in total shock. I remember going to the store and getting a box of 3 more tests just to be sure. All 3 came back positive within seconds. I was wide eyed and already crazy in love with the little human growing inside of me.

I couldnt wait to tell Justin. I made a book of our love story, (which I will tell our love story another time) he got home from working out and I gave him his gift. He was so excited.

The first few weeks all I could do was research and be terrified of everything that could go wrong. All the things I was not supposed to eat, drink or do. I was a nervous wreck. I couldnt wait to go to the doctor to hear the heart beat.

Justin had signed up to serve in the Army National Guard so I knew that the next 3 months while he was away was going to be so scary, lonely, and the only time I had ever been by myself. It gave me peace knowing that I was growing a perfect little human inside of me. When I finally got to hear the heart beat I was so excited.

My pregnancy was a breeze. I only go sick a couple of times, and besides being tired I felt great. It was a long 3 months waiting for Justin to be home. I found out Jax was a boy while he was gone so I could surprise him at the airport during his Christmas visit. I mad a shirt with a football that said "Oh Boy' He was so so excited that he was a boy. We told his parents he was a boy that same day by surprising them with his arrival and my shirt. It was a fun filled day. I will never forget when I got to his moms house she was not home. So Justin waited in the living room when she came in through the kitchen. She was upset because she mailed Justins Christmas card late. When he came walking in it was the best surprise ever. When we got to his dad, his dad was waiting outside and so excited to see Justin in the back seat. His step mom came out of her room to Justin standing there and the look on her face was priceless. It was a great day. And they all found out Jax was indeed a boy.

While Jax grew and my belly got bigger we became even more excited for his arrival. We got his room done in razorback of course. Got his beg made, clothes organized. We went on many date nights which I am so thankful for. And we waited. We did go on a hike that turned into 10 miles...that was not fun and ended up with my swollen feet that night. We waited and waited. May 6th his orginal due date came and went. I had not dilated at all. So my doctor set an induction date.

That was the longest week of my life.
The day came and it was a hectic day. It started out with Corey's college graduation. Family lunch then we set off with a car full of baby stuff to Mercy. Our last car ride as a family of two.
We walked in through the ER since it was the weekend, and they took us up to my room. Asked tons of questions, did all the check in stuff. Gave me my gown and the real waiting game started. I had not eaten all day, Doctots orders so needless to say I was so hungry. The doctor came and checked me i was a whole 1.5 cm. He said I could have a milk shake and that they would start pitocin the next morning. It was the best milk shake of my entire life.

The next day was long, pitocin was started and nothing happened. ALL DAY. So that night they broke my water at 10pm and all heck broke loss. I had never felt pain like contractions in my whole life. My plan of a natural childbirth was soon to come to an end. We had already told the anesthesiologist that I did not was an epidural so he left. Needless to say I begged and begged for him to come ASAP. He did come and my pain was so much better.

I slept the best I could inbetween contractions and the next morning bright and early, on May 14th 2012 I was finally ready to push. All the family came to wait in the waiting room. Justin, his mom and my cousin Christie all prepared themselves to be in the room. I pushed and pushed and pushed for ever. Nothing. I cried when the doctor was mean, I said I just couldnt do it anymore. My father in law was so excited he kept getting in trouble for walking the halls. I thought it was adorable, the doctor kept making me made. I cried some more. And finally at 10:17 after almost 3 hours of pushing my 8lb 2oz baby boy came into this world. It was all so fast. I wanted pictures of course but everyone just stood by and watched. No one was saying anything. It turns out Jax came out blue, his cord had wrapped twice around his neck and he was not breathing. No one told me anything, i was just mad that no one had taken any pictures. Finally he was good to go. When i first saw him my heart exploded. He was so perfect in every way. Even his large alien head...His big chunchy cheeks, he big blue eyes, with eye lashes so long you could already see all of them/ I had never felt love like I had in that moment. God showed off when he made my Jax. He is my little blonde haired, blue eyed perfect little boy.
                                           
 Needless to say i was starving at the end of his birth. So thankful for all the food I ate that day. S/O to Morgan her biscuit and gravy, to Nana for the five guys burger, and Mimi and pop for the steak that night!

I cant believe that he is almost 2 years old. People have always told me it goes by fast but man does it. I still think of the days when we brought him home, all the sleepless days and nights. The problem i had nursing and thinking it was impossible. All the little moments I would just stare at him while he slept and wondered how I could be so blessed. He was a great baby. Slept great, ate great, was a total laid back little ham. The laid back part changed at 9mths old. He bacame all boy. Into everything, and and attitude like his momma. He is the light of my world. He loves bat man, and is a total chatter box. He will boss you all day long even if you dont know what he is saying. He gives the best hugs and kisses around. When he reached out to hold my hand a little piece of my heart melt with happiness. He is my little prince charming. And a total ladys man already. I can see that when he chases older girls at the park.

I cant believe that soon he wont be my only baby, that he will be a big brother. I know he will do so great with his baby sister. He will boss her and not want to share all of his toys, but I can already tell that he will protect her heart from day one.

As I watched him play with his little bat man action figure while trying to snuggle the cat today. I saw a little boy. A boy that i can only hope will be as hardworking as his dad, but still have
a sensitive side like his mom. I pray that he is humble, and that he allows God into his heart. I pray that he loves and honors his future wife. I pray that he stays so spunky and independent. He will always be my baby boy, and I hope he always gives me nose kisses.

Beginnings

As a 25 year old women I can say that my life has been anything but ordinary. Yet so ordinary all at the same time. I have lived in the same town since i was a toddler. I have had the same best friends since I can remember. I have a loving family, and grew up in church. Sounds like a regular ol gal from the south. Right?

I have many friends, but not very many of them know the true me. The me that has had more heartache than I thought a person of 25 should have. A person who fears rejection almost as much as death itself. A person that wears her heart on her sleeve 24 hours a day, yet so strong at the same time. That is why I decided to start a blog. To display life from my point of view. For people to see the real me from memories, and my perspective of the people that mean so much to me. It will be about heartache, love, laughter, faith, some hard times and the best times of my life thus far. I hope that anyone who reads this can see a little bit into my heart and the life I have been blessed with. Just dont judge on my grammer.....

These song lyrics inspired me to make this blog
.Say something, I'm giving up on you
I'll be the one, if you want me to
Anywhere I would've followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you

And I am feeling so small
It was over my head
I know nothing at all

And I will stumble and fall
I'm still learning to love
Just starting to crawl

Say something, I'm giving up on you
I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
Anywhere I would've followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you

And I will swallow my pride
You're the one that I love
And I'm saying goodbye

Say something, I'm giving up on you
And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
And anywhere I would've followed you (Oh-oh-oh-oh)
Say something, I'm giving up on you

Say something, I'm giving up on you
Say something...


My biggest pet peeve is when people who have had a hard time in life use that as an excuse to make bad decisions.

I was born Tiffany Nicole Smith. I dont know much about my birth, or my early infant life. From whan I have been told I was a very good baby. What I do know is that I was adopted by my biological fathers parents, Lawrence and Belva Siffing when I was no more than 2. The only people I have ever called Mom and Dad. I do not hold any grudge towards my bio mom, she did what she thought was best. I thank her for that. I know she loves me, for she gave me life and a wonderful one she gave. My parents raised me as their own. They loved me no matter how much of a brat I was......because from the stories I was big BRAT! We lived in a old run down yellow house, that I still love dearly. My mom stayed at home, because lets face it working was not her strong point lol. But my dad worked at campbell soup till retirement. He was the hardest working man I have ever known. I still remember waking up sometimes when he left while it was still very dark outside. He worked for that many years and never once used a sick day. My life was as typical as it gets. I roamed the fields by my house, swam at the creek, gave my mom heck most of the time. I went to church on sundays with my aunt Rhonda. My best friend Morgan lived down the road from me. My parents spent many an evening taking me to softball, basketball, gymnastics and cheer practices. My Mom was known  for her outspoken nature amoung my friends, if she didnt like you then you knew it. She cooked like no other women iv met. I took that for granted big time. She was my best friend. I told her EVERYTHING which sometimes caused grief with my friends. She let me stay up late to watch Dateline, and shows I should not have been able to watch lol.I can still see her standing at a birthdy party in her moo moo yelling my name to pick me up....she was that mom. My yard had lawn mower parts all over the place. That was my dads biggest hobby. I remember my cousins and I chasing him on the riding mower wanting to ride with him as he mowed. He always had a joke. If you were a close friend of mine and came over alot you probably heard this one. "Have you ever seen a catfish" "yes" "which way did it hold its pole'. He loves to scare us kids by grabbing our leg while he drove, or hiding around the corner. He always preached to me how important an eduation was, because he wasnt able to even finish jr, high before he had to start working. He always wore the same type button up shirts, blue jeans and velcro tennis shoes, black dress shoes if it was a important. He took pride in his family. At national jr. honor society he was so proud to stand up when they called my name. He even stood up when they called my best friend, Morgans name. Even though it was just parents that were supposed to stand up. He loved his family.

In 8th grade my dad had a stroke while I was at a softball tournament. Life changed. Instead of the dad that I had known all of my life, It was a dad in physical therapies and a Dad that couldnt really be left alone. My hero had gotten weak. I didnt think life could get much harder.

It wasnt long though that hard became life.

Thanksgiving 2003 my Mom woke up with the worst headache of her life. So bad that she insisted my aunt Rhonda to take her to the ER.I was rushed to get started on the Thanksgivng meal I didnt really say goodbye. Which still hurts my heart.She left the yellow house, never to return. I spent the day cooking Thanksgivng meal because I for sure knew it would be like everyother Thanksgiving once my Mom got back. I will never forget. When I was told that my mom had a brain aneurysm and my not make it through the night. I ran to my room, put on my tennis shoes and ran out the door. I ran as fast as I could to Morgans house. That night was the worst. When I walked into her room she was lifeless, I remember being the most scared I have ever been. The weeks ahead became the hardest on my whole family. My mom had a trache and couldnt talk. The only time she was able to talk was when I had left on a skiing trip. I hated myself for not being there when she was awake. I remember holding her hand a telling her to come back to us. But weeks went by and nothing. My family made the decision to put her on DNR, and I remember holding her hand and telling her it was ok to let go. No 15 year old should have to do that. One night while visiting she began to shake like crazy. We had the chaplen come in to pray, and i witnessed my mom being saved. Once he asked her if she believed Christ died on the cross for her sins. She stopped shaking and was calm. She had let Christ in her heart. On Jan 16th 2004 my mom let go. I was at home with my dad when the family called to tell me. It was the hardest night of my entire life. My poor weak dad lost his wife of over 50 years and I lost the best friend I had ever had. Seeing my dad cry like that was the hardest thing to see. So many people came to her funeral. It was beautful, yet the most painful day. I never knew pain like that was real. I didnt think that my heart would really ever heal.

I moved in with my Aunt Rhonda who lived next door. She is my hero for doing everything that she did for my dad. I helped but she was a rock star. He could not do anything on his own anymore, and had a broken heart, so I know it was hard on him to have others take care of him. My aunt while working full time did such an awesome job doing everything for him. But eventually he began to fade quickly. He had been diagnosed with dementia and the dad I had known my whole life was gone. The family decided it was best for him to go to the city hospital to make sure he could be taken care of 24 hours a day. Every visit was hard, sometimes funny because he would tell these crazy stories that he really believed happened.  My senior year my dad got worse and worse. He had to be put on hospice. It wasnt long before he had passed. I was 18 years old and both my parents were gone. I thank God for my Aunt Rhonda becuase she took me in and supported me.

You know I remember praying when I was little to please let my mom and dad live long enough to see me grow. I prayed that prayer so many nights and when they I lost them i was so mad at God. I was so mad that my dad wouldnt see me graduate high school, that my mom didnt get to help me shop for my homecoming or wedding dress. That my dad couldnt walk me down the isle or have a dance with me. I was so mad that the two people who took me in and made me their own had left me. It didnt take me long to know that being mad at God wasnt going to help me and that he has a plan.

I dont know who came up with the saying that "it gets easier as time goes on" becasue it doesnt. I have horrible days where i cant help but cry because i have a hard time remembering what they sound like, and what it felt like to hug them.I get so sad in the fact that Jax was never scared by my dad or got to watch my mom trace in a magazine while drinking coffee all day long. I long to see my moms big blue van pull into my driveway, or to hear my dad gripe about everything on the news.  I know they look down on me. I know that they are proud.  When Justin asked me to marry him, the next day i prayed and said man i hope my mom is watching. The next song on the radio was " I can only imagine" it was her funeral song. And few times since when im driving and i think of her that song will come on. It makes me smile knowing she is looking down.


I pray that my Jax and my new baby girl due in the summer has some of my parents in them. I pray that they are are hard working like my dad, and love to joke. I pray that they are outspoken like my mom and that they dont take crap from people. Id like to think I got some of those qualities. Im like my dad in the fact that I am to trustworthy and forgive to easily, but im like my mom in the fact that if you mess with someone I care about I will get you. I can only hope that I raise my kids like they raised me. So when you get the chance hug your mom and dad and tell them how much they mean to you. You just never know when it will be the last time.

_________________________________________________________________________________


I hope that this helps know where I came from and why I am sometimes so emotional. I tend to hold onto people. I dont want to feel rejected. I just want feel like I belong. I am so blessed to have Justin and the family that I do. I have the best family in the world, and the best in laws. But sometimes  I still feel an empty hole in my chest, a pain that I know will never truly go away. I just have to know that no matter what I will see them again. And to live life in there honor.